2 in 1 - hospy then water freebirth

[Heidi]

I found the birth of my first child disappointing. After being present at the births of two of my brothers I knew that birth was an amazing experience. So if it was a miraculous lifechanging experience for me as a spectator (not a supporter unfortunately I was in an awkward teenage phase) why was it not even more amazing being the one doing the birthing?

A lot of birth stories I’ve read the woman describes her trauma or disappointment over the birth but then ends it with something like “oh well it just goes to show you never know what’s going to happen. The important thing is we have a healthy baby”.

Frankly I never saw it this way.

In some ways, my first birth went exactly as I had planned. No intervention, no drugs, happened in a birth centre within a hospital, used water & heat packs for pain relief, no stitches required, placenta slipped out easily soon after, spent most of the labour at home. Spent our first night all together as a family in the birthing suite’s queen size bed. Okay so I can’t complain and I’m not complaining. I was incredibly lucky.

It was the pain that bothered me. OMG the pain!!! The worst part was the car trip to the hospital. Every bump and turn was pure torture. For a night and a day I’d called the birth centre several times, begging (a different midwife each time) for advice, to be allowed to come in, eventually for a transfer to the *******y suite and an epidural. Each time to be told that as it was my first baby I could be ages yet and I should try to stay at home.
The thing that gets me about it is I am certain, with the experience of my 2nd birth in mind, that had they “permitted” me to be in labour, then my baby would have been born a lot sooner and I would have been spared hours of agony. I know none of my friends or acquaintances would believe this but I am certain that the feeling that I was not welcome at the birth centre held me back in labour.

It gave me some satisfaction when I arrived at the hospital fully dilated and fighting an overwhelming urge to push, to hear the midwife, who had an hour prior told me that if I came in she would check me but may have to send me home, titter and say “well, no wonder you were so upset on the phone”.

I was so worried about giving birth in the middle of after school traffic that it was really hard to switch from ‘hold it in’ to expel mode. Plus, after hours of feeling desperate, unwelcome and cowardly, pushing hurt a bloody lot.

Anyway after an hour of pushing in the bath I hopped out onto a birth stool and out he popped.

When I fell pregnant again, ten months later (I was bfing & we were using the withdrawal method and had 3 miscarriages before Isaac but my body was keen to go again!) I was determined that this time things would be different. I bought a hypnobirthing book (the courses were too expensive) and for the last two weeks of my pregnancy spent half an hour a day practising its relaxation and visualisation exercises. I also read a book by Ina May Gaskin.

I rang up the birth centre as I remembered some talk of a homebirth trial. They weren’t doing one but a hospital closer to our home (we had moved) was!! Lucky, as my husband was initially against the idea of homebirth per se, no way would he have agreed to us paying for a private midwife.

The trial was planned to start in July, but for one reason and another it was delayed and final approval came through just two weeks before my November due date. Mine was to be the first ever publicly-funded homebirth in NSW! It felt like fate. Good karma. Destiny.

I thought our bath was too shallow to give birth in so we got a kiddy pool and hired urns, borrowed kettles. My mum came round the night I started to have contractions (I knew she would love to be there and I really wanted to repay the favour as I had been present at two of her births). Tim, my husband, was incredibly tired when he got home from work, I can’t remember why, but he was really shattered. I decided the baby was going to have to wait until morning when he’d had a good night sleep (not consciously but I think subconsciously my brain had it all figured out).

At around midnight I took a couple of panedeine forte that Tim had left over from his wisdom teeth extraction. Wow is that stuff good! I still couldn’t sleep but it meant I could lie in bed and rest for a couple of hours. Though I started to freak out, thinking what if the baby decides to come now and I’ll have to tell the midwives about the pills, it might make the baby drowsy, they won’t let me have a homebirth !!!!

But it was cool, after the drugs wore off I hung out on the toilet, letting go of my mucus plug, and on cushions in the lounge room so I could change resting positions without disturbing tim.

No actual pain at this stage, just discomfort. So then day breaks and suddenly it starts to feel more intense. I call the midwife and am having contractions every two minutes. I ask my mum to take our son, Isaac, out for breakfast. I still thought I would be hours yet (it couldn’t be advanced labour, surely, it had all been too easy) and his toddler’s enthusiasm for life was a little annoying at this point.

I decided to get in the bath, despite Tim’s protests (“but we won’t have enough hot water for the pool if you waste it on the bath” – forget the damn pool I said) and once I was immersed in warm water there was no more pain, I felt euphoric.

Hypnobirthing, like scientology, says that women should be silent during birth. I was very sceptical about this as during my first labour I screamed at the top of my lungs (seriously, you should have seen the faces of the school children as we drove past at 3pm on our way to the hospital) and sure enough at this point, in hindsight the start of the second stage, I felt the need to make some noise. During contractions I released a loud but somewhat comical, sing-song ‘aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh’. Tim and I laughed at what a funny sound it was and joked that Isaac would enjoy copying it when he got back.

Tim asked if he could go make a cup of tea. I said yes and he trotted off. I remember looking out the window at the sky during a powerful contraction and feeling ecstatic. I’ll never forget that moment. It was truly amazing.

This was exactly what I had hoped and planned for, and yet never really expected would actually happen, I tend to be a bit of an underachiever, self-saboteur if you like. I didn’t even really like the hypnobirthing book or believe in it but it worked an absolute treat, didn’t even have to push just like it promised (a BIG surprise after my first labour).

So anyway while tim was off making his cup of tea I decide that the baby must be crowning and I put my hand down hoping to feel some hair. You won’t believe this (actually at the time neither did I), instead of hair there was a whole head!!! I was so shocked that the head had come out without me noticing (ok so the stretching from the first time obviously helps at lot, but the first time a head came out of my vagina I thought my clitoris was ripping in two the pain was so extreme, I jumped in the air from the shock of it – my midwife and Tim both screamed as Isaac went flying and nearly hit the floor!) that I thought this can’t be the head, it felt a bit squishy – maybe I was touching his face, it must be the placenta coming out first.

But then I decided yes it was indeed the baby’s head and I called for back up. Tim came running in and screamed “the head’s out!!”. Yes I know I said. So he held Cain in the water until the body came out and I pulled him straight up and starting kissing and cuddling & whispering to him. He was all purple and did not make a sound but I just knew he was fine. I told Tim to go call the midwife as she had told me what to do in this situation but I couldn’t remember.

Cain happily breastfed in the bath until my midwives and a friend arrived (my mum and Isaac soon followed). When I stood up the placenta fell out, midwife found a small internal graze but nothing serious.

We all sat around in the lounge room drinking champagne (the midwives that were not on duty that is – there was three, overkill yes but they have to do 10 supervised homebirths before they can do one without a more experienced midwife there. I was a bit nervous about having 3 midwives present at the birth – which I expressed on a number of occasions but homebirth beggars can’t be choosers – but having three over afterwards to coo over the new baby and help us celebrate was fine) and eating the chocolate birthday cake I had made the day before (which was Cain’s due date).

Having a homebirth was the most precious experience of my life, and yet, oddly, unlike birthing in a hospital it was not a ‘big deal’. It was wonderful, but it was also just something I did in between a sleepless night and a big social breakfast.

Sorry this story is such a ramble!

[Quies]

Oh i loved your story, that's awesome, thanks so much for sharing!

[Harmony]

beautiful

Love it when people have to state the obvious to help process what's happening

[Waratah]

Wow, what a great read, and yes it really is just giving birth hey? No biggy!

Catherine

[Táhirih]

thanks for sharing