Do you experience "Imposter Syndrome"?

[Ceres]

On example was when my sister returned from the Commonwealth games with 3 bronze medals my father said to her "I suppose they're medals, what went wrong"

That's horrible Elvira!

[elvira]

It was horrible to hear, my sisters triumphant home coming wrecked by such a low blow from someone who "should" have been her greatest supporter. I was/am so proud of her she has achieved so much in the face of such fucked up parenting.

I'm sure others have had shit things said to them by their parents and I'm sure that is the root of it (as well as society).

One thing though to be thankful for, is that I realized early if not consciously that they were never to be relied on for anything and that my self confidence is completely internal.

Although for me, I feel like I have to prove I am not them so probably have a bit of anxiety at times over that. And it shows in my near OCD re house (which I'm working on recognising but not acting on so much ), as my childhood house was an absolute mess. As you would imagine having a mother who was subjected to violent outbursts physical and emotional. She had a hard time coping and so she projected a lot of stuff on to us. The house was a pig sty because of us, she was fat because of us, dad was angry at her because of us, she couldn't live her life how she wanted because of us. She would take her frustrations on us and so would he.

It took until I was sent to boarding school and went to stay at other peoples houses that I found out - other peoples mothers didn't lay in bed and smoke their brains out all day screaming orders from the bedroom.

[Ololara]

It was horrible to hear, my sisters triumphant home coming wrecked by such a low blow from someone who "should" have been her greatest supporter. I was/am so proud of her she has achieved so much in the face of such fucked up parenting.

I'm sure others have had shit things said to them by their parents and I'm sure that is the root of it (as well as society).

One thing though to be thankful for, is that I realized early if not consciously that they were never to be relied on for anything and that my self confidence is completely internal.

Although for me, I feel like I have to prove I am not them so probably have a bit of anxiety at times over that. And it shows in my near OCD re house (which I'm working on recognising but not acting on so much ), as my childhood house was an absolute mess. As you would imagine having a mother who was subjected to violent outbursts physical and emotional. She had a hard time coping and so she projected a lot of stuff on to us. The house was a pig sty because of us, she was fat because of us, dad was angry at her because of us, she couldn't live her life how she wanted because of us. She would take her frustrations on us and so would he.

It took until I was sent to boarding school and went to stay at other peoples houses that I found out - other peoples mothers didn't lay in bed and smoke their brains out all day screaming orders from the bedroom.

Boy,Sorry you experienced that.I wouldn't wish that on anyone let alone a child

[elvira]

Thanks, I only shared that because you can see I have risen above that shit to become my own person. You don't need their approval, it would be lovely and all that...BUT we don't need it. We don't need anyone's approval, as long as you are living the most authentic person you can be then be happy and open to new things, new experiences.

We are enough as we are, we are worthy.

And Karma's a b.itch

[Chessa]

Honestly sometimes I feel like an imposter here in this wonderful JB community sometimes.

I find all you people so intelligent and knowledgeable on matters that I am still such a novice in.

I've never been pregnant, obviously never birthed, and am still formulating my ideas on how I would like this experience to look like for me.

Although at heart I believe this journey is one that lasts a lifetime. And at least I am questioning the long held belief systems of society.

I suppose in this way it is a positive thing to feel an imposter here - the quest for knowledge is my driving force to counteract this.

I do I feel like an imposter in other areas of my life also - and yes, I have performed tasks purely for the praise (which in my instance was not forthcoming).

[The Morrigan]

I'm going to say this again. I was running the Australian homebirth network having only had surgery. We are not defined by externals, we are just women moving through life making different decisions about stuff. I am not my surgery any more than you are your childlessness. At some point you'll probably rectify the childlessness but you'll still just be a woman and be a woman for the rest of your life.

[The Morrigan]

Who'd like to share?

[Roryrory]

I sometimes feel like an impostor in motherhood because for me it has been like a huggies commercial - all smiles and gurgling babies. While I had a hospital, OB-led birth with #1, it empowered me to have a natural birth with #2 (with a little hynpobirthing counselling along the way). Breastfeeding was like falling off a log for me - I had read so many books on the subject before I birthed (I had 8 BF books on my shelf at one stage!) that I had midwives joking that this couldn't possiby be my first baby. I never had sore breasts, never leaked, and while I was no good at expressing, I put that down to the fact that I was working 10 hour days in a stressful environment after both boys were born. I made (and make) mistakes in my mothering but don't beat myself up over them. My husband is my true co-parent - he is a SAHD and knows as much about the boys and their needs and quirks as me. My mother has looked after the boys weekly for a long time, has them overnight, loves them. I sometimes joke I am the Martha Stewart of Motherhood because I have so much help. I have never had PND, felt like an inadequate parent, cared what others said about my mothering (for more than a nanosecond), had to deal with any real health problems in my children, have maintained as good a relationship with DH after kids as before and love both my boys to bits. I DON'T even care if #3 is another boy (as some may have suggested to me). It's like I have got everything I wanted in motherhood without even doing any hard work. I had a blighted ovum late last year and I kinda felt like that gave me some motherhood "street cred" but really even that was just part of my motherhood journey. All this....and I do sometimes wonder if I am an impostor, that I will be found out, that cracks will show and I too will get to see how hard motherhood really can be.

ETA I scored 90...

[Amalthea]

I scored 86.

I'm busy pretending to be a competent mother, partner and adult.

I feel like an imposter on JB because I can't articulate my thoughts as eloquently as most. I feel like an imposter as a mother because I don't have the knowledge required to raise my daughter in the way I would like to or believe is best. I feel like an imposter as a woman because I don't *get* feminism or politics. I understand logically that the patriarchy in which we live hurts me and my daughter but don't entirely grasp how.

[Nemain]

I feel like an imposter because I shout at my children, because I speak disrespectfully to my dh and I spend long pointless hours mentally critiquing myself: how ugly and fat I am, how nasty and mean I am, how much of a loser I am because I am not writing novels nor using the academic degrees I worked so hard to attain, how lazy I am and how that is so evident in my weight, my clothes, my lack of a career.

Perpetual Self Loathing Trophy is mine I reckon.