I wrote this at the beginning of my pregnancy with Xanthe. Although it was a positive hospital birth story, by the time I had finished writing I realised there was room for improvement. The next day we planned our homebirth for Xanthe.... her birth story will follow.

Audrey Blossom’s Birth Day

“We induce at 8 days past your due date” the doctor announced. “Right then, that’s our deadline baby”, I thought. I didn’t want to be induced. I wanted Audrey’s arrival to be as natural as possible, and I was afraid the pain of induction would be more intense and I’d need the drugs… I was the first among my friends to give birth, and the women at work who I’d overheard telling their horror stories had anything but natural births – mostly by choice. I felt I had no choice but to go with the flow.

So at 9am on the 12th of August 2003, I found myself sitting on a bed attached to a drip at in a birthing suite at Caesar’s Palace, waiting for it to all begin. We got the music out – carefully picked for the day. Obe and Mum were there for support, massage fingers ready and my one consolation was knowing the baby would come today – no more waiting. The contractions started slowly – “ooh, I’ve had a couple of those before – last night” I commented. I was strapped to a machine at 10am to get a reading of the baby’s heart. The gruff midwife. Who attended me told me to lie on my back because they needed a good reading, but by that stage, contractions were close together and intense and there was no way I could lie on my back. I had to be on all fours, as I’d expected. Mum and Obe were pushing the electrodes into my stomach to try and get a reading. We tried until 2pm to get a reading for 10mins straight. “ooh, it hurts” I groaned to mum. “I know darling” she replied. “No, not labour – having to be in this position! I can’t do my job!! I need a shower NOW!!”

Thank the universe for shift changes. The loveliest angel of a midwife (who was 7 months pregnant) came to my rescue. She said “Oh, those readings are clear enough, lets get you in a shower. You have a way to go yet, so we need to make you comfortable” “Hang on, I have to throw up” I said as the machine was being removed. “no, its passed – lets go!!” That was transition. Into the shower for 5 minutes and I started to feel lots of low pressure. “I have to go and hop on the bed”. I should mentioned that I had chosen to use a TENS machine for the labour, so this was attached and now, without the belt and the other machine constricting me I was starting to feel good - in control, trusting my body to do what it needed. The music playing was a song about winter called “Audrey” and I told Obe “this is her song – she’s coming”. I don’t think anyone believed me. The midwife asked how I was feeling and if I needed to push, let her know….”Umm, I think I already am” I replied. She had a look and looked sideways at mum and told her “she’s crowning, we have to call the doctor, now.” The music is so clear in my memory “Can you hear me calling you? Can you hear me calling you? Without a sound, without a word, I’m calling you”.

The doctor raced in from her shopping trip and thanked me for saving her from buying a Prada handbag… I was vaguely aware of this and the other midwives preparing the baby’s blankets and table. My thumb was firmly planted on the TENS button. “I can deal with this, its ok” I thought. I remember the midwife standing next to me and whispering to ride the waves and that I was doing brilliantly… just what I needed to hear. I remember that Obe was holding my hand and mum was watching as Audrey emerged. The feeling was beautiful, relief. Not pain, more than that. Like I was so connected to her and that moment. I was calm and even in my body but aware of the whole situation and what everyone was feeling. In reality, I roared – Obe was shocked and amazed by how primal I sounded. There was fluid and poo and blood and a little tear, but I was so amazed as I looked down and announced “She looks just like Obe”. Those familiar eyes and nose and chin and…It was 4pm. One hour and 2 big pushes after I got my shower.

The placenta was beautiful and healthy. The obstetrician proudly presented it to us and announced it was much better than a Prada handbag! A couple of stitches later and Audrey was feeding beautifully. After a shower, and a bath for Audrey, we had visitors and called it a night. Obe couldn’t stay as there weren’t enough double beds that night, so I felt very alone – sharing a room, but incredibly alone. I’d been told to let the midwife take Audrey to the nursery so I could sleep. I deserved it, I’d had a big day. One midwife told me she’d never looked after a patient who hadn’t had an epidural! She thought I was amazing! Another, more experienced midwife told her that was nonsense, I’d just done what my body does naturally and it was beautiful. “Thanks” I told her.

I couldn’t sleep. Audrey was brought back to me at midnight. Seeing my nervousness and how alone I felt, the more experienced midwife tucked Audrey in with me and taught me how to feed her on my side. This was such a wonderful thing for her to do, something that hadn’t even occurred to me. It was beautiful and one of the most important events of that day. Our first blissful night. I breathed her in and she held my finger and I still didn’t sleep, but it didn’t matter. It all felt amazing and natural and I knew how to do it now.