by David Vernon, Editor, Men at Birth and Having a Great Birth in Australia

Have you ever considered whether your male partner should attend the birth of your child?  Most women take it as a given that their bloke will be there.  “After all,” their reasoning goes. “He was there at the creation of our baby so I want him there at the birth, to support me.  Anyway, he wants to be there.”

It is only in the last thirty years that partners have regularly attended the birth of their babies.  In the nineteenth century and earlier, birth was very much women’s business, attended by midwives and female family members and friends.  The husbands tended to hang around outside the room, providing care to other members of the family, or more likely, they were out working in the fields.  In the first half of the twentieth century, male doctors and obstetricians muscled the family midwife and the other female family members out of the birthing space and claimed that birth was no longer a healthy part of living, but an illness that required medical assistance.  Birth moved from the house to the hospital, and men were kept at bay.

In the 1970s, with the rise of the feminist movement, women wanted the support of their chosen partner at birth, and much to the irritation of many hospital matrons, doctors and obstetricians, men were allowed in to watch the birth of their child.  In the 1980s, men were encouraged not to just watch, but to actively participate, by massaging their partner and later cutting the umbilical cord.  In the 1990s, men were expected to be at the birth of their child.  For some busy hospital delivery suites, it gave a useful extra pair of hands and meant that the midwife or doctor didn’t need to hang around during the ‘boring bits’.  We are now in the enlightened 21st Century when men are expecting to be caring capable fathers and caring capable partners to their women.  But what training do they get for this most incredible event that they will ever experience? 

For the vast majority of men, the training they receive through hospital antenatal classes is patchy, fear-driven, and not tailored to their needs.  Most hospital antenatal classes focus on the needs and experiences of the women, and also on the range of interventions that may be undertaken by doctors and midwives during the birth.  While this focus on the woman is apt (who’s doing all the labouring?), exclusion of the male point of view, focus on intervention and the physiology of birth leaves men feeling unimportant, unsure of their role and worried about everything that can go wrong.

Since the publication of my book Men at Birth I have received letters and emails from men commenting on their birth experiences.  One man, made the following comment:
I was excited about the birth of our baby and I looked forward to attending my first antenatal class at the hospital.  I left that first class feeling worried and apprehensive about the birth.  The midwife had explained, in answer to a question from the floor, that the hospital had such a high caesarean rate because birth was so uncertain and surgery was quicker and safer.  This had gone against what I had read about surgery and birth but she then listed all the things that could go wrong…

Another man said:
In the class, I asked what I could do to help.  The midwife, half jokingly, said I could keep out of the way when the obstetrician came in.  When I asked further, she said that the duty obstetricians didn’t like men getting in the way when they wanted to do vaginal examinations and preferred if they left the room.  And if something went wrong I should just sit quietly and wait for things to be fixed.  I was hoping for information about how I could help my wife — not how I could help the medical staff!

These two men went on to say that despite their original positive outlook regarding birth, the antenatal classes, by focussing so exclusively on interventions, female physiology and the pathology of birth, left them anxious about the birth of their baby and feeling unprepared to provide the support that they wanted to provide to their partner.

The ramifications of ignoring the needs of the supporting partner are serious.  Sadly, an anxious, worried man, may be more focussed on his own thoughts and feelings than the needs of the labouring woman, and in such circumstances, it must be asked, are such men a help or a hindrance at the birth?

Considerable research evidence shows that when women are fearful regarding birth, the labour and birth takes much longer, labour contractions are less effective and the woman is more likely to require medical interventions than when the woman is feeling confident in her ability to give birth.  The reason for such an outcome is simple.  Fear and anxiety lead the body to release the hormone adrenaline. 

Adrenaline causes the woman’s body to prepare itself for either ‘fight or flight,’ which is the exact opposite to what is required to dilate the cervix and let the baby emerge into the world.  In the natural world, birthing animals take themselves away to quiet, dark, familiar spots, where they can birth uninterrupted — dens, lairs, hollows in trees.  Humans seem to do the opposite, they leap into cars and drive fast to hospitals, where the labouring woman is pushed along bright corridors, past noisy wards, and placed into unfamiliar surroundings and attended by strangers.  Is it any wonder that women’s adrenaline levels are high on arrival in the birth suite and often labour stalls on arrival at hospital?

This is one reason that women choose to birth at home.  A home environment, for the prepared parent, provides a safe, calm and quiet environment (just like a den) for the birth.

The last thing an anxious labouring woman requires is a bloke who is equally anxious and worried.  What suitable support can an anxious man provide?  So to return to my original question, should men attend the birth of their child?

My answer is a categorical “Yes!” but only if they are adequately prepared.  We know that a man who observes a natural birth is awed, stunned and amazed at the power and ability of his partner.  We know that a man who observes a natural birth, falls in love with his partner all over again.  We know that men who attend natural births bond more easily with their baby.  I am not saying that men who observe caesarean deliveries and other interventions are not awed or do not bond.  I am simply saying that the quality of their experience is higher with a natural birth.  Often men who observe caesareans or instrumental deliveries are quite traumatized by what they have observed. 

So how should men prepare for labour and birth so they are not overly anxious and can give their partners their best support and their best chance at having a natural birth?

On my website there is a comprehensive checklist for men (and their partners) to know if a man is well prepared to attend the birth of his baby.  The checklist provides seven steps for being prepared.  It’s worth taking some time to work through the checklist and do the recommended ‘exercises’.  But in summary, preparation for the birth requires the man to:

1. Get to know and understand his partner’s hopes and expectations for the birth;
2. Understand the physiology of birth;
3. Understand his own feelings about birth
4. Understand how anxiety works against a good birth;
5. Understand when he is being unhelpful;
6. Get fit; and
7. Get to know the birth team — midwife, doula, doctor and/or obstetrician

Recently, I was talking to a senior midwife who made the comment that men can provide the most wonderful support for their partners.  She then paused and continued… “Or the most dreadful hindrance.”
Don’t automatically assume that your man should attend the birth of your child.  Think it through.  Consider the seven step checklist, and then if both of you are satisfied that his attendance will be a help and not a hindrance, go for it, and enjoy the most amazing experience of your lives!

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