By Janet Fraser

I find it sad that women's traumatic birth experiences are dismissed as "horror stories". There is no space in mainstream land where women can talk about their births, there is virtually no language with which to do so. First time mothers often say they hate it when women tell them "horror stories" and yet I think this is part of the conspiracy of silence to ensure women don't pass useful information to one another about birth.

I've seen women who've had self described great births warned off from commentng on birthrape, because they haven't been there. And then those of us who've been to obstetric hell and back are also not allowed to talk about it. That pretty much rules out everyone, the cone of silence descends and more women line up for the slaughter.

I see many women as desperate for validation (and often with PTSD so stuff just bursts out of them regardless of their desire to not say it) and somewhere to get out a tiny amount of the immense pain many of us carry from what is done to us in birth. It makes me sad when I hear these stories but it doesn't make me fear for my own birthing. I too come from a horror first birth and I think each story has something to teach us even if it's as simple as STAY AWAY FROM THE HOSPITAL.

Most women are completely disempowered and shattered by inductions, forced surgery and the general dehumanising process of conveyor belt "delivery" so it's ok to have five minutes of my pregnancy here and there taken up by a woman who has no other way to get some of that pain out.
Sometimes we can be the only person who's ever said to her, "I'm sorry that happened to you and your baby, I hope you have support with your healing." Simple, really

The most startling thing of all, of course, is that despite these "horror stories" women follow exactly the same path as those of us with those experiences under our belts. They line up to be compliant to their careproviders, regardless of what model of care they've chosen. They agree to be induced, augmented, cut open even though they may hold immense terror about it and thus continue the cycle.
They will be the next generation of "horror stories" told to other pregnant women, won't they?!

I hope women have support for the emotional work necessary to birth their babies too, look at the many examples of what can happen around you and learn from those. My story's moral is: never forget to be a consumer.
Maybe if we stopped calling the true stories of what happens to women in our hospital system "horror stories" we could begin to listen to the wounded women and put ourselves on a different path, where we listen to our bodies and babies, respect ourselves and never put someone else's opinion or ideas ahead of our own.