the gift...
Into the moonlight I gazed past the roof tops
and conjured you in my imagination
I pictured us sweet and serene, you in my arms and me a sweat laden, muscle aching mumma, so happy to have you in the world.
I packed my bag with so much care
and set the alarm for five am.
I guess I knew something was wrong when my body didn't respond.
The pain was too much to bare.
I felt like a wasted piece of meat as they marinated me and prodded my flesh
I screamed and cried and wondered why they didn't seemed too concerned
but I felt every slice, every pull every push, felt them forraging inside me
I was trapped and tied on a table
They whisked you away and I didn't even get to say "hello baby, welcome to the world!"
Then nothing.
Then mask on face I ripped it off and asked for you, demanded you be brought near.
Then we met and I loved you in an instant but a part of me hated myself.

Into the moonlight I gaze at you sleeping,
now six years old, now a laughing, growing, sweet beautiful boy
and I conjure your birth in my imagination
I picture us sweet and serene, you in my arms and me a sweat laden, muscle aching mumma, so happy to have you in the world.

Happy Birthday Liam born 16th February 2006 by emergency caesarean section.